The
Marraige Toll
By Renee Baer
When thinking
about subjects for this months family column the thought of
how raising special needs children can take a toll on a marriage
kept coming to mind. It isn’t an easy subject, nor is
it a happy or pleasant one, but I do think it is one that
many marriages deal with and thus of great importance.
Divorce
rates are high. Staying married is tough under the best of
circumstances, but when circumstance throws extra stress into
the mix it can be more than a marriage can bear. It isn’t
only the stress of learning your child may not be what you
expected either. It is stresses on many different levels.
I remember when going through marriage preparation at my church
there were 2 main causes for marital problems they discussed,
financial stress and lack of communication.
Whether
it is insurance co-payments, privately paid therapy, specialized
diets and equipment or the inability to work, financial stress
is a very real problem for parents of children with autism
spectrum disorders. Most of us are not independently wealthy
and even those with generous means spend tens of thousands
of dollars. Communication becomes very difficult when you
may not agree on therapy options of even diagnosis. Combine
that with typically an enormous amount of stress and lack
of sleep and a couple is likely to spend more time snapping
at each other than communicating or supporting each other.
I debated
strongly about not writing this article because, honestly,
I have little advice. However, more and more lately I am speaking
to friends in this situation or hearing about parents who
are separated and nearing divorce. I can’t count the
number of times I have heard about marriages that are together
out of necessity but aren’t happy.
If I did
have advice, particularly for new parents on this journey
I would say find some way to continue to communicate with
each other. Dates, sexy wardrobes, flowers, and gifts mean
nothing if you can’t connect with one another and talk
on a real level and support each other. Even if it means getting
the help of a professional therapist communication is key
and communication is too easily lost.
Renee
Baer
Content Manager and co-Founder of APOV on Autism
renee@asdrendrewolf.org
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