“Please don’t lick the wall.” “Stop sniffing your grandma. It’s freaking her out.” “I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t bark at the pizza delivery person.” So maybe these aren’t the kind of things heard in a “normal” household. But in our house, well...

My wife originally wanted to write a column about being an NT and functioning in a family with several people on the spectrum. I couldn’t begin to tell you an NT’s perspective: I am an undiagnosed aspie—the genetic (missing) link. Our oldest child was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome when he was 6, and our youngest child is “traditionally autistic”. Then you have the middle child and my wife—NT’s preparing for a life in the international diplomatic corps by dealing with behaviors and tempers that some think are reserved only for third world dictators. In reality, all of us are doing our best to make sense of the nuances of dealing with various levels of the spectrum.

The constant comment that we receive from family, close friends and co-workers who know our kids is: “You have such good/well-behaved/etc. kids.” The closest ones know the effort behind this. The first rule in our family is no whiners; and whining includes blaming your lack of being NT, because the world is NT. The second rule is you have to learn to function in this world, because it’s the only one you have.

I don’t sit and analyze the fact that Claire’s speech is significantly more delayed that Noah’s was. I try not to worry about whether or not Noah is connecting with his classmates. I’ve even stopped trying to understand my desire to avoid social activities that require me to interact with unknown people. All I can do is look back (usually about a year) and compare where we were, how much we have gained because we haven’t become hermits, and how much easier this year has been for the NT’s in the family: