"Back to School" Needs To Go Back To School
A Soapbox Issue - The Editor's Rant

By Me

So, I was looking through all of the Back to School articles that are plastered all over the web at this time of year, and realized that not one of them had anything even remotely useful for the parent of an ASD child. Or the parents of a Neurotypical child for that matter.
 
Fashion tips? Cell phone tips? Fun and Frisky Lunches? At what point did our society decide that these things were the most important things for us to consider when sending our kids to back to school for the year? Of course, all of these articles were advertisements for stores and services that could provide the clothes, cell phones, and lunch items. If they had provided links to multiple sources I might have felt they were at least making a stab at writing an honest piece of journalism.
 
Such great and wonderful grammar these articles had.... and not one once of information. There weren't even any specifics on how much the corporate sponsors of these articles were charging for their merchandise, where I could buy their products, or who to call to contract their services. So, technically, they weren't even effective as advertisements. They were useless drivel and a waste of bandwidth.
 
My first impression was that Seventeen Magazine must have bought out the World Wide Web while I wasn't looking. But that would be an insult to Seventeen Magazine. At least SM provides its readers with information on where to buy the Latest, Greatest, Hottest trends they're trying to push. They actually tell you who designed this shirt, or how much these pants cost, and sometimes where to get them. The Back to School articles did no such thing.
 
And besides... Fun and Frisky Lunches?? Is this really an issue? One would think that by the article's name it would include recipes, but it didn't. It was little more than an advertisement for a cookie cutter. And did it tell you where to buy the cookie cutter? No, of course not. And through all the flowery prose the only impression I came away with was that my 4-year-old might like her tuna fish sandwiches better if I make them star shaped and crustless.
 
Here's my suggestion for making a tuna fish sandwich more appealing to a 4 year-old. Yes, it's a recipe. ~GASP~
 
And fashion tips? My 4-year-old went to preschool orientation, and came home and told me what she was going to wear and how she was going to do her hair for the first week of school. I've been informed that, "pigtails are out" and "ponytails are in". Ribbons are too, by the way. All the girls at preschool are wearing bright colored feathers in their hair this year. Dresses have made a comeback in the 3-5 age group of girls, and boys that age have rediscovered white t-shirts and 501s. Gee, how very retro.
 
My 7-year-old has formally asked for dreadlocks, and my 13-year-old "went against the herd" and is doing her makeup in subtle shades and colors that give the appearance of not wearing makeup at all. She's decided that the first point of makeup for teens is to cover up and medicate the acne, and that her peers need to be reminded of this. So, she's "setting an example".
 
The 7-year-old, however, is going to have to go without the dreadlocks.
 
My fashion tips? When in taking your kids shopping for clothes try to take them only one at a time to help reduce frustration, blowups, and meltdowns. Discuss the rules for what you consider appropriate for them to wear with them before leaving the house, and make sure they understand so there are no major surprises when you don't let them buy the string bikini for gym class. Let them know about how much they can get so they know there's a limit and where that limit is. Don't give younger children or kids who have problems with math a dollar amount as the limit. Explain in terms of "2 pairs of pants, 4 shirts, 5 fancy ponytail holders...." or something like that. Save the math reinforcement for the grocery store or some other mundane daily task that generates less excitement and therefore is less likely to be overwhelming in the first place.
 
Oh, was I supposed to tell you what to buy? Don't worry, your kids will do that for me.
 
And if you have one of those kids that have absolutely no fashion sense at of any kind, and you just know you're going to have to do the choosing, then I recommend you look at what the kids in your neighborhood are wearing. Maybe even take one of them with you when you go shopping. You could look in the fashion magazines or online for ideas, but really, whatever is the Latest-Greatest in New York isn't necessarily going to go over well in Illinois. And what works in Illinois isn't going to be a big hit in Arizona. If the people in Michigan tried to wear the biggest style from Arizona they'd probably freeze to death. The latest style form Oregon or Washington State might get a kid in Texas ostracized for being too liberal. So, look to your own neighborhood for fashion advice.
 
But most of all, when in doubt, use you instincts as a parent. What's "cool" should not be allowed to compromise parental concerns. If you think the top is too low cut then the top is too low cut. If you think the slogan is inappropriate then the slogan is inappropriate.
 
Cell phones. Huh. Not going there.
 
~Candes